Deep Enough


Deep Enough

I never did expect them to come back. I thought I buried them deep enough that I knew they would never haunt me again. I never saw them coming.

I’m talking about the emotional shit I carried with me since I was a kid. I reached an age where I decided to ignore it. Get rid of it by burying it deep enough. I put on a happy face throughout my teens. Others believed me. I believed me. I believed me for so long.

Then I grew up. I really grew up, which brings us to now. That happy face has become a reflex. I carry it wherever I go.

But, then, then the night comes, and the happy face has no place there. I thought my baggage was gone. I thought I got rid of it years ago.

And that’s when it hits me and I cry. I shed tears with the shudders of my body. I tremble from within as my emotions resurface and I feel again. I feel everything and remember everything.

I thought I buried them deep enough, but I never thought they’d find their way out. They’re breathing now while suffocating me. Their hands on my throat. They’re screaming in my face telling me to feel them. They want to be acknowledged.

I close my eyes and let them all out. I cry fifteen years of tears and ignorance.

I thought I buried them deep enough, and I did. I just forgot to close the casket.

Published by Nour Al-Hajj

I’m 25, and I live in Lebanon. I’m an Interior Architect graduate with a minor in English. My hair is always a different color. I love cheese with some extra cheese. The gym is my natural habitat, and my car hosts the best concerts you'll ever attend. I love writing poetry, thoughts, and stories. My inspiration comes from my childhood memories, heartbreaks, and sometimes I like to imagine certain scenarios that are completely fictional or write a different ending to something that happened with me. It's like wishful thinking...

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