I never understood what spirituality really was. For me, it was related to religion. It was a state of religious dedication, but I’ve never been more wrong in my life. Instead of focusing on myself, my soul, and my presence, I found myself running after fulfilling religious duties.
I was taught how to pray in order to find God. I was instructed to follow a certain path in order to reach heaven and eventually God. Damn… I’ve been deceived for so long.
Spirituality is the biggest revelation you’ll ever stumble upon. Everything becomes clear. You suddenly feel better about yourself. You accept yourself after being so concerned with becoming a better person in the eyes of society and the religion you’ve been taught.
Finding meaning in everything you do and experiencing a connection to your soul and your being isn’t something you find in the shallow way religion is handed to you. You’re given a set of rules and a handbook, and all you have to do is follow them without finding a meaning in whatever it is you’re doing.
But you shouldn’t settle. Don’t settle for a handbook and move around robotically.
You find relief and security in being religious, but there’ll always be something missing. A need to be more. A need to find a meaning and a connection. A need to embrace life instead of fearing a misstep that will drive you to hell.
Am I good enough? Is God pleased with me? Will God punish me?
Don’t you ask yourself these questions on a daily basis?
God isn’t holding a cane and waiting to bash you with it when you sidetrack from the “handbook”.
God is greater than that. God is merciful. God is LOVE.
Think of God as the world’s perfect father, and then more. Your father will stand by you no matter what you do, no matter how many times you mess up. If your father does that, then what do you expect from God? Shouldn’t we expect more from God?
I choose to be spiritual, but I’m still religious. I choose to be both because I found love in both. I found God in both. I found the “full picture” in both.
Do not fear God. Do not fear the afterlife. If you open up your heart and allow love to settle in, then you’re allowing God to enter your being. You’re allowing God to reside in your heart, and from that point on, you’ll be stronger than ever. You’ll be fearless. You’ll be whole.
God is your one-man army, and trust me, you’ll conquer everything with this army.
The thing about romance and love… Well, let’s just say it’s some weird shit. Would you think that one day, you might actually fall in love with a voice?
I heard your voice for two weeks, and you drew me in with just that. I was too shy to turn and face you, to discover the face with the mouth that uttered a splendor.
You weren’t serenading or speaking poetically, it was simply your voice. My body and my brain interpreted it as one of my favorite songs.
It seeped under my skin and found its way to a locked chest in which I’ve buried my emotions…
Days and days later…. coincidence revealed your face. It’s not that you have extraordinary beauty, but to me, the beauty I saw was enough.
Maybe it’s because I’m a hopeless romantic that I fall for someone so easily, or maybe it’s because of you.
I just wish that the eyes I caught staring weren’t a work of my imagination.
I wish that the reason you always sit behind me is because you want to be as close as possible or you want me to know that you exist.
I know I’m going to regret these words afterwards.
I guess part of me enjoys being fragile and exposed.
I really need to be loved. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced true love or any sort of love. That’s why I get attached so easily. To me, it’s a chance at love. The warm fuzzy feelings you get in your stomach. The smile that draws itself on your face simply by a thought. The safety you feel by merely a gaze.
I’m a hopeless romantic. I think in a poetic way. I imagine things that I know would never happen.
I’m fragile and exposed.
But at least-
There’s something about the night. You lie awake and start a long chain of thoughts. You start pondering on your life. Where did you go wrong? Why are you here? When will these tears stop escaping you so easily?
There’s something about the night. It’s 2 AM and you’re still awake. You wait for the answers that you can’t sleep without. Your eyes are begging for rest while your mind keeps swirling with the never-ending questions. What about love? What’s the point of all this hurt? Why can’t it be without scars? When will you be loved? Why do you love him but he doesn’t love you back? “That’s not fair,” you yell inwardly, but then, what is?
There’s something about that darkness. It darkens your vision forcing you to search for an inner light. And the silence. Oh, that silence is worth a thousand years of peace. It’s the few moments that world is at peace and still. The earth has stopped moving and everyone’s asleep, while others like me, beg for rest, hoping these thoughts and these words would stop circulating in my head. I’m begging them to stop, but they’re just getting started. They’ve been waiting for this freedom for so long. They won’t listen to your pleas nor will they have mercy. You’ll stay awake until they get tired and return to their slumber. You’ll close your eyes and find that peace at last, and the darkness will take over. And silence…
I’ve been told to cherish my solitude, but I can’t do it. This isn’t solitude… This is rock-bottom loneliness. Emotional and physical loneliness. Solitude is a choice, and I don’t remember making that choice.
The solitude of your soul is messy. You’re disconnected from the universe, the stars, the planets, the energy, and every soul out there. Imagine this kind of loneliness.
Imagine being deprived of the universal energy and not have it flowing through you. I’m in solitude because I chose to follow a certain path that I believed to be right… because I was told it was best for me.
Why did I believe that?
I deprived myself of so much magnificence by being led along the “right” path. But that ends now. I choose not to believe in anything but love. I found love inside the deepest cavities of my soul, smothered by the solitude it’s been locked in. I found love, and I chose to release it.