There’s something about the night. You lie awake and start a long chain of thoughts. You start pondering on your life. Where did you go wrong? Why are you here? When will these tears stop escaping you so easily?
There’s something about the night. It’s 2 AM and you’re still awake. You wait for the answers that you can’t sleep without. Your eyes are begging for rest while your mind keeps swirling with the never-ending questions. What about love? What’s the point of all this hurt? Why can’t it be without scars? When will you be loved? Why do you love him but he doesn’t love you back? “That’s not fair,” you yell inwardly, but then, what is?
There’s something about that darkness. It darkens your vision forcing you to search for an inner light. And the silence. Oh, that silence is worth a thousand years of peace. It’s the few moments that world is at peace and still. The earth has stopped moving and everyone’s asleep, while others like me, beg for rest, hoping these thoughts and these words would stop circulating in my head. I’m begging them to stop, but they’re just getting started. They’ve been waiting for this freedom for so long. They won’t listen to your pleas nor will they have mercy. You’ll stay awake until they get tired and return to their slumber. You’ll close your eyes and find that peace at last, and the darkness will take over. And silence…
I’ve been told to cherish my solitude, but I can’t do it. This isn’t solitude… This is rock-bottom loneliness. Emotional and physical loneliness. Solitude is a choice, and I don’t remember making that choice.
The solitude of your soul is messy. You’re disconnected from the universe, the stars, the planets, the energy, and every soul out there. Imagine this kind of loneliness.
Imagine being deprived of the universal energy and not have it flowing through you. I’m in solitude because I chose to follow a certain path that I believed to be right… because I was told it was best for me.
Why did I believe that?
I deprived myself of so much magnificence by being led along the “right” path. But that ends now. I choose not to believe in anything but love. I found love inside the deepest cavities of my soul, smothered by the solitude it’s been locked in. I found love, and I chose to release it.
You know the light at the end of the tunnel… you know that shit everyone keeps promising? No, I won’t promise you that. I can hold your hand, that’s easy. I can wrap myself around you as we twirl into a never-ending black hole… I’m willing to do that. I can’t promise you happiness unless I’m the happiness you need.
If you find yourself skinned to the bone, scraping your knees against the floor, I’ll take my flesh off and wrap it around you…
We might never get out of this tunnel, or we might stumble onto a dead-end. But in those dark corners, I’ll build us a room big enough to fit our intertwined bodies.
I’ll drain myself to the core and free my soul. I will break every essence of its existence and transform it into stardust. I’ll find a way to form a star out of my dust and light up your world.
I can’t promise you happiness… but I can break in order to become your light.
I can’t describe the joy I feel when you’re this close. When we’re breathing the same air. When you talk to me, when I hear your voice… and my name on your lips. It’s beautiful. I feel beautiful when you look at me. When your eyes decide to carve a memory of me…
That day, when you asked what my name was, I couldn’t stop smiling. I swear I couldn’t.
I keep envisioning those eyes of yours… I try to let their warmth seep from my memory into my body, into my veins… until it’s embracing my heart.
I keep retracing lips that were never kissed, wondering how yours would feel against mine.
I keep running my hands across my arms, wondering how firm your grip is, wondering how easily you can lift me… wondering how safe I would feel….
This isn’t about a heart skipping a couple of beats, nor it is about the flutters I always get when I think about you…
More than the typical romance novel shit…
This isn’t a typical attraction.
I’m afraid this might be an addiction.
Addiction to your warmth, your strength, your lovely scent, and your sweet voice.
You make me beautiful.
Your proximity, my addiction, makes me beautiful.