Dryland

I keep giving because there are so many broken hearts. They need mending – they need love, but I’m afraid one day I’ll have nothing to give.

I’ll be left with an empty heart. It will crack, I know it. Drylands always crack. And then, who would help me mend?

I’m aching for physical intimacy, trying to fulfill it even if it hurt other people, even if I’m using them. I want that physical intimacy, but also, I want an emotional vacancy. I want to be touched, but I don’t want to be loved; not now at least. Is that weird? Is that off-putting? I’m not sure if it’s how I should feel. But then again, there is no right or wrong when it comes to feelings. There are no set of rules you should abide by. You are not supposed to feel a certain way.

I want an emotional vacancy to give myself space and time. I want that vacancy so I can reach inwards and figure myself out. I want space and time to take a breath and understand who the fuck I am. I want an emotional vacancy to fill it with love I forgot to direct towards myself.

I gave so much but forgot to give myself. I need that vacancy because filling it with another person’s love won’t work. It will be the wrong piece of the puzzle, the wrong edges and rotation, the wrong colors and shapes… it just won’t fit. It won’t help me heal and understand. Understand what am I? Who am I? What is it that I want?

Drylands always crack, but I haven’t reached that stage yet. I still have a bit to give myself. I still have some love I can mend and allow to grow to fill the vacancy. And that’s when I’ll be ready. That’s when I’ll be ready to love again.


His Hell... My Bliss

My flesh is thin glass
Easily breakable…

The only arms I wanted were his
And I thought I knew
What love truly is
Until I met you

So drag me into your hell
I’m already caught in the flames
Turn me into your fire
Before I turn into ashes

My flesh melts away
And my skin cracks open
You reside inside of me
Burning… scorching me

I melt into a bliss
As the coldness dissipates
My cells adapt to the heat
Until they burst…


Dark Soul

Surrounded by bright souls
I felt mine darkening
It used to be like that before-
Bright as the sun, blinding

Bounded to a darkness after the fall
Neither the sun nor the stars were more tempting
Than the warmth of a hellhole
That was as dark as a buried coffin

It’s been so long since I felt this whole
I am a shadow in the brightest light, dominating
Had enough with the light that stole
The black, an ink that’ll keep me breathing
Even after my ending…


Someone

We’re fragile…
We all are
One touch by the right person
And we either crumble
Or stand tall

We’re vulnerable…
Well, some of us are
One word can break us
It can send us crashing
Against a cement barrier
Or it can rebuild our broken pieces

We’re desperate…
Well, I know I am
For that someone
That beautiful being
That will make
Or break me…