I can’t describe the joy I feel when you’re this close. When we’re breathing the same air. When you talk to me, when I hear your voice… and my name on your lips. It’s beautiful. I feel beautiful when you look at me. When your eyes decide to carve a memory of me…
That day, when you asked what my name was, I couldn’t stop smiling. I swear I couldn’t.
I keep envisioning those eyes of yours… I try to let their warmth seep from my memory into my body, into my veins… until it’s embracing my heart.
I keep retracing lips that were never kissed, wondering how yours would feel against mine.
I keep running my hands across my arms, wondering how firm your grip is, wondering how easily you can lift me… wondering how safe I would feel….
This isn’t about a heart skipping a couple of beats, nor it is about the flutters I always get when I think about you…
More than the typical romance novel shit…
This isn’t a typical attraction.
I’m afraid this might be an addiction.
Addiction to your warmth, your strength, your lovely scent, and your sweet voice.
You make me beautiful.
Your proximity, my addiction, makes me beautiful.
One of them might be a mistake-
A moment the universe chose to slip
The aftermath was quick…
Me off my feet-
No, that’s not what happened
See, I like to imagine things and write them
The “happily ever afters”
The knights in shining armor
The never-ending love…
If the words are written, then the story is true… right?
I’m still waiting for the story to happen
Who knows… maybe my prophecy would come true one day.
I never did expect them to come back. I thought I buried them deep enough that I knew they would never haunt me again. I never saw them coming.
I’m talking about the emotional shit I carried with me since I was a kid. I reached an age where I decided to ignore it. Get rid of it by burying it deep enough. I put on a happy face throughout my teens. Others believed me. I believed me. I believed me for so long.
Then I grew up. I really grew up, which brings us to now. That happy face has become a reflex. I carry it wherever I go.
But, then, then the night comes, and the happy face has no place there. I thought my baggage was gone. I thought I got rid of it years ago.
And that’s when it hits me and I cry. I shed tears with the shudders of my body. I tremble from within as my emotions resurface and I feel again. I feel everything and remember everything.
I thought I buried them deep enough, but I never thought they’d find their way out. They’re breathing now while suffocating me. Their hands on my throat. They’re screaming in my face telling me to feel them. They want to be acknowledged.
I close my eyes and let them all out. I cry fifteen years of tears and ignorance.
I thought I buried them deep enough, and I did. I just forgot to close the casket.